|Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
This is our 500th column.
Thank you. We appreciate it.
And to all those who said we couldn’t keep it up, that we couldn’t find 500 silly things in the sports world to write or draw silly pictures about, we say parsnips! Yes, Mike and I both say parsnips.
Yeah, I know, an utterance perhaps a little crude and unbecoming. Silliman seldom uses offensive golf slang but you doubted us. At least we didn’t decline into the language of bogie castrations.
How did some of our column subjects celebrate our 500th column, you might ask? Glad you did. Johnny Football Manziel was so thrilled with our milestone he went to New York and accepted a trophy. Colin Kaepernick celebrated our event by torching the Dolphins with a fifty yard touchdown run. James Harden celebrated by dropping 39 points on the Mavs. Famous flopper Manu Ginobli celebrated by scoring 22 and dishing six assists against the Rockets. Peyton Manning honored our event with a 310 yard passing game. Blake Griffin jumped over 500 Kias. Nik Wallenda took 500 in line steps at his Branson home to go from the refrigerator back to his exercise room. Bobby Petrino honored our event by getting himself a new job with Western Kentucky. Maria Sharapova celebrated by eating ten very delicious and expensive bonbons. To all you guys, thanks for thinking of us. To Dizzy Dean and Ogden Nash, sorry, still dead.
500 is a special number in sports: Miles at Daytona or Indy, an exclusive club for MLB homerun hitters, the number of NBA babies born to groupies, the amount of athletes from around the country who received credit hour A’s from Western Oklahoma State College, the amount of Mike Holder messages left on Mike Gundy’s answering machine, the number of hundred dollar bills you’ll find in Jerry Jones’ wallet, the amount of Tiger’s mistresses. We’re just happy to be in the discussion.
What else happened when so many sports celebrities were celebrating our 500th? Well, for one, Manny Pacquiao got a visit from Mitt Romney just before his fight with Marquez. Manny, who someday plans to run for president of the Philippines, remembers Romney saying “Hi, I’m Mitt. I ran for president. I lost.”
We can appreciate Mitt and Ann attending the fight… in Vegas… a place where they have no desire to drink or gamble. But to mention the word “lose” to a guy getting ready to step in a ring, we don’t think that’s the proper way to acknowledge our 500th column. Mike and I were both bothered by the lack of respect not to mention more than tickled at the possibility Mitt’s expression, as Manny was being laid out, was not too unlike the face he had when he heard the election results from Ohio.
All in all it’s been a great ride. We’ve even made another attempt to find Josh Roberts, the Malta, Montana place kicker who was the subject of our first column when he never showed up for his 2002 Oklahoma University scholarship. We heard he went to New York to be a model but were unable to find him. If we could’ve interviewed him and show him what he started, it would’ve been the bow tying everything together.
We will still keep writing and drawing weird pictures. Will we keep trying to locate Josh Roberts? Yes but not overly hard. We seem to remember locating a missing kicker from Malta as being part of the Mayan’s doomsday prophecy and it is way too close to December 21st to meddle.
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|Silliman On Sports
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