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ST. PAUL SAINTS TO HOST
                                          ATHEIST NIGHT by Stan Silliman
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By Stan Silliman
       
ST. PAUL SAINTS TO HOST ATHEIST NIGHT


"Oh when the Aints
Oh when the Aints… go marching out
Oh, how I want to be in that number
When the Aints go marching out

Oh when they say, oh when they say
There ain’t nothing up THAT way
Oh, how I want to be in that number
When the Aints go out to play.”

On August 10th, the St. Paul Saints AA baseball team will have Atheist Night. On that night the Saints, for one night only, will become the Mr. Paul Aints. Since they probably don’t have a song for that event I volunteered to write them a one-night anthem.

In case you’re not familiar with the St. Paul Saints, they’re the minor league team with the craziest promotions of all time. Not unexpected since among their owners are Mike Veeck and actor Bill Murray. They’re the first team to use ball pigs – real uniform dressed pigs who carry out the baseballs and the bats. This year’s pigs are named Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. They’re cute but they’re not oinking to each other.

So far, do you think the song has a chance? The ballpark will be full of atheists. Apparently Minnesota has a lot of atheist… long, tall Fargo sounding atheists. They erected billboards showing babies asking parents to let them think for themselves. Pretty radical, right? Even former governor Jesse Ventura admitted to being an atheist. I figure they’ll need a rousing song when the Aints come out on that night.


“Oh when they play, oh when they play
The Aints won’t stop and pray
Oh, I want to be in that number
With the Aints on Atheist Day.”
ST. PAUL SAINTS TO HOST ATHEIST NIGHT
                          by Stan Silliman humor sports comedy cartoons
                          articles
It’s catchy. Surely the crazy St. Paul guys will want my song. Crazy like a fox, I say. They’ve been able to make money in a market with a huge college team and four major league sport franchises. Here are some of the Saint’s greatest promos: 1) Larry Craig Tap Dancing Bobble Foot dolls complete with bathroom stalls 2) A “Love Boat” promotion on the 30th anniversary of the TV show, however when fans showed up they were given little rubber boats with Viking colors and the name “Minnetonka Queen” after Vikings team sex cruise on the lake of the same name; 3) A 40th anniversary Sesame Street promotion except “The Count” bobble heads featured Al Franken on one side and Norm Coleman on the other so the bobble head became “Count von Re-Count.”

 “So here’s the day, when the Aints will play
Will play, not pray no way
With no gods to point the way
We’ll just to rely on each other
Cause they’ll hate us for another day.”




    
               
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