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Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman

It has been rumored Nick Saban might be a candidate for a possible Texas University opening. Bolstered by the fact a Texas regent member sent an agent to meet with Saban.

Pictured above Saban is at a press conference denying these Texas rumors. Let’s listen in:
“I’m old, folks. I’m too damn old to be making any more job changes. I’ll take more questions but first I need a donut for my coffee.”

“Kevin Scarbinsky, Birmingham News, Mr. Saban. Did you just ask for a donut? Chocolate or…?”
“Just a glazed donut. Do you not see my pinky finger poised for a donut? A glazed donut, dammit!”

“Mark McCarter, Huntsville Times, Mr. Saban. Do you want jelly in that glazed donut, Mr. Saban?”
“A plain glazed donut, Mark! Can’t you see my pinky getting tired? I’m pointing at you, Cecil.”

“Me?” says Cecil Hurt of the Tuscaloosa News. “I’ll get you your donut, Nick, but you seem to be sending some other signals.”

“What kind of signals, Cecil? Can’t a guy crave a donut and then stick his pinky out without you reading something else into it. And yes, I’m pointing at you again… with my index finger. I’m not going to Texas even if they offered me $ 8,… er… I mean $ 10 million a year.  Do I make myself clear? Where’s that donut?”

“Mr. Saban, Tommy Deas here, Tuscaloosa News. I want to ask about D.J. Fluker and possible…”

“Tommy, look at my hand. How many fingers am I holding up? I asked for a donut not once, but TWICE!! See this? Two fingers!!”
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“Nick. Tommy Nicks, Mobile Register, could the Fluker investigation put Alabama on probation?”

“I don’t want to hear no more Fluker questions. I want my donut, Tommy, and get this, Tommy, if I hear another Fluker question I’m going to take these two fingers, these two, and poke your eyes… your very wide set eyes!!”  

“Mr. Saban, it’s Jimmy Smothers, Gasden Times. If the Fluker deal goes South will that drive you to Texas?”

“Jimmy, I said no more Fluker questions. It is everything I can do NOT to flip you the bird. See this? I’m having to hold both my two center fingers down so as to not flip out.  I wanted a donut. I asked twice. See this, twice!! Do I have to ask ten million times? I know that’s a good round number, but I shouldn’t have to ask. At Alabama I’ve won TWO national championships!! See this? TWO! I should be able to get a donut and if I wished to poke your eyes with these TWO fingers, I should be permitted. I’d like a donut, a yellow rose flavored glazed donut if you have one. Thanks.”  

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