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Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman

Anthony Watts, Australian Rugby player, denies he went Mike Tyson on another player’s penis during a match between Tugun and Bilambil but if he did, he apologizes.

I’m not making this up, kiddoes, we’ve got another crazy Rugby story out of Australia. Do you remember a few years ago where the Australian rugby player was filmed having sex with a dog? This one is just as wacky.

It involves a rough character, Anthony Watts, who when he’s not biting another player’s junk on the Rugby field spends his time as a member of a bike gang. Only in Australian they call it “bikie.” Too cute, you Aussies! “Bikie” and “footie” and “barbie,” stop it!

Watts solicitor (Aussie for attorney), Mark Williams went on TV to say “Watts absolutely denies any biting of any nature has taken place. Now, if there has been any contact to that particular area of this gentlemen’s body, our client apologizes.” (Actually that was with the Aussie “s” and no “z.”

Hey, Mr. Williams, what about the player with the bitten… er… particular area? They had to stop play, make the guy pull down his pants and show what happened to his particular area. With the camera running, Mr. Williams!

What happens now, does Watts go all George Constanza “Was that wrong? Is that something I shouldn’t have done? Can you show me in the rule book where it says you’re not allowed to bite another man’s penis?”

And, yes, we’re not making this up, the rugby position Watts sometimes plays is called “hooker.” He also plays fullback but the hooker is more defensive where you’re trying to hook the ball away.

Watts, who looks like the product of Curley Joe from the Three Stooges and Michael Chiklis having a red headed baby, is a bad apple. Do you see what I did there, red and apple? You can nominate me later. Watts was charged with girlfriend beating (in their cutesy Aussie lingo, they call it “Sheila socking”) and was also charged with instigating a wild bikie brawl during a footie match inside the Tugun Seahawks ground.

Is this too much? The penis biting hooker is a member of the Finks (a bikie gang) and they brawled with the Nomads while a match was going on. This wasn’t the first time the guy was arrested for bikie brawling. Check out the festivals in Australia. If there was a bikie brawl, chances are Watts was there.
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If he’s not put away in an Australian prison (I can’t think of their cutesy name for jail) then Watts needs to leave the country. He and his sharp teeth need to go elsewhere. Maybe set up an MMA fight with Mike Tyson – the Vegan vs the Carnivore.  

I know that sounds stupid, but not any stupider than a biker gang called “The Finks.” Nobody ever said Anthony Watts was an Einstein but to be a member of a gang called “the Finks”? I can’t think they’d be all that secretive and he doesn’t need fellow bikers blabbing about his penis biting. No, he doesn’t.

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