|Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
SILLIMAN’S PLAN TO SAVE THE NBA
Maybe there’s hope.
There was a squabble during the NFL Lockout. But eventually billionaires and millionaires got together.
We thought wow, if these guys can agree then maybe there’s hope for the guys arguing the “More Taste, Less Filling” beer commercials. I’d like those guys come to terms as well as the NBA.
The NBA lockout is a little more complicated, possibly because very few NBA teams made money. Salaries have ballooned to $ 5 million average. Revenues, both from television and attendance, haven’t kept pace. These are areas NBA owners have little chance to change. What they can control are miscellaneous expenses of which the power cost to put on a game is major. Big arena electricity is a major expense.
Glow-in-the dark basketball.
Yeah, that’s right. I’ve borrowed the idea from bowling, or more precise, midnight bowling. This is where you turn out all the lights, have glow-in-the-dark pins, glow-balls and glow marks on the alleys.
With basketball, we’d simply make the ball and the uniforms glow-in-the dark, even the referees unis.
Can you envision it? Or think how romantic it would be? Can you jump on this bandwagon? I’m not proposing we clone the ballplayers to make their skin glow-in-the dark. That’d take too long. I just want to glow-up their uniforms and headbands and shoes. That’s doable and could save millions throughout the league.
I know some of you are wondering why even consider cloning a glow-in-the dark human? I wasn’t really, except they’ve cloned a glow-in-the dark dog… in Korea.
Again you’re asking “They cloned a dog? South Korean scientists spent all this money and time cloning a dog? That’s unbelievable!” You continue, “Surely they realize, when glow-in-the-dark applications are concerned how much more important it’s be for reindeers.”
Gee, of course, as always, you’re right.
“Wait a moment,” your friend chimes in. “It’s South Korea! Maybe they were trying to create a romantic dinner without candlelight.”
Hey, please tell your friend to buzz off. No dog food jokes. We’ll edit that out later. Besides, I’m having my doubts about the cloning story. I bet they just stole the dog from Northern Japan.
“But what if it’s true,” you’re saying. “A glow-in-the-dark dog makes it so much easier to find glow-in-the-dark ringworms.”
Oh, yeah, I knew you’d find the bright side. That’s why I like talking to you. I have my doubts but the implications can stream all the way down the animal kingdom. First, you turn a dog into a nightlight, then, of course, fireflies move in and soon after, one flea will say to another “Well, there goes the neighborhood.”
“But, Stan,” you say. “Are your glowing uniforms really going to save the NBA? Make it where we have a season?”
Glad you asked, buddy. I don’t know. It’s a try. Maybe glow-in-the-dark uniforms combined with harnessing an extra thousand or so fans per game and hanging them from the ceiling. Would they be comfortable, you ask? Yes, we’d only use top quality amusement ride harnesses. But what about refreshments? Lowered down to them from the ceiling. But what if they spill their drinks on the floor?
They won’t, because they’ll be above the other fans.
Okay, I think we saved the NBA… and we didn’t even charge. Maybe season tickets? Maybe one of those glow-in-the-dark Korean dogs?
Can you imagine the mutts pick up line? “Hey, Misty, you in heat? Well, bring a little of that heat over here and watch me light up.”
Gosh, even a gang of cats would want him. “Hey, Glowmutt, we don’t usually recruit dogs in with us cat burglars, but with you… we wouldn’t need a flashlight.”
Be my friend on My Space at www.myspace.com/stansilliman
|Silliman On Sports
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