on Sports
Annikas Summer


Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
            PAUPER MIKE

“Silliman, how can you do that? How can you earn $ 400 Million in the ring and then be down to your last
    It’s my neighbor, Lyle, slapping down the paper with the Mike Tyson bankruptcy story.
    “Maybe,” I say, “he bit off more than he can chew.”

    “No!” responds Lyle (and this is why we call him Crazy Lyle), “It’s the Curse of the Tigers and everything goes in threes.”
    Now, I’m biting.

    “You know, Tyson owns Tigers… and that boy in New York, mauled by his pet tiger and Roy, the Magician…” Lyle goes on.

    So if you’re a boxer/rapist, who wants to eat his opponents children and you spend like Imelda at the Shoe Barn and your management team makes Enron look like IBM, that’s not enough? To really go over the cliff in depth you’ve got to own tigers?

    We’ve never considered the tiger angle. We know they eat a bunch but nothing compared to keeping Don King in hairspray. And have you checked out the cost of facial tattoos?

Pauper Mike

    “What I’m saying, Silliman, is with his Bentley’s and his houses and the jewelry, he ought to have something left. He should be hiding something… unless the tigers ate it.”

    Let’s see. Two divorces – there went the houses. He owes $ 20 Mil in taxes to the US and England. And we’re betting, if Mike Tyson fights in England, Prince Charles won’t go anywhere near the ring. He also owes  $ 9 Mil in legal fees, $ 230,000 in cell phones and pagers for two years - You’d think he could have landed one of those unlimited minutes deals, except probably he has to pay roaming charges to call from one end of his house to the other. And he owes his limo service $ 308,000.

    “Sounds like,” Lyle chirps, “they were trying to take him for a ride. He should have had one of those endorsement deals – like George Foreman. Maybe he could have endorsed frozen chicken?”
    I’m trying to figure what Lyle thinks they would have called it…. Hmmm?

    Just to verify some of this we try calling Mike, to see if his phone is still in service. It is and it’s the same old answering machine message: “This is Mike. I’m not in now. Can you hear me? You might want to put your ear up closer to the phone.”
    You wonder if Mike will come back. If he’ll get enough fights to pay his multitude of creditors or will he actually act on one of my all-time favorite Mike Tyson quotations when he said “I guess I’m going to fade into Bolivian." 

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