OJ Simpson and
the Texas Longhorn Football team seem to be in a race to see who can
get the most publicity. It’s not exactly a publicist’s dream job since
most of it is negative publicity. With six arrests since summer the
Longhorns are going for some kind of a record. Is it time of
possession? We’re not sure.
We think it’s a rumor that Coach Brown and OJ both
called F. Lee Bailey for their defense. We think it’s also a rumor that
Mack called OJ for advice but that OJ wouldn’t take the call when he
heard it was from someone named Brown.
We’re not sure Mack would have taken OJ’s advice
anyway since the only advice OJ gives someone is to “cut their losses.”
What was OJ thinking? That he could just walk into
someone’s room and take back his stuff? Who does he think he is –
Cedric Benson?* Let me re-phrase that. What was OJ thinking? That
he could just walk into a memorabilia room in Vegas and take back his
stuff? Hasn’t he seen the ads? Didn’t he know when you steal something
in Vegas, you stay in Vegas? But in that regard OJ does have something
in common with all those ballplayers arrested in Austin – they all made
time. One of the 17 Longhorn players arrested in the last nine years
was Cedric Benson who broke into an apartment and left with a plasma
TV. Later it was explained that the TV was Benson’s and he was
repossessing it from another student. Benson was charged with
trespassing. Here’s another reason to associate OJ with the Longhorns.
You can surmise OJ studied Cedric Benson’s case and felt if Cedric
could walk in with some heat and take back his stuff why couldn’t he?
Some people think OJ staged his repossession
to whip up publicity for his new book “If I Did It.” The only problem
is OJ no longer owns the rights to that book. It was awarded to Fred
Goldman who promptly changed the title to “I Did It!”
Some other people think the Longhorn players are
getting arrested to help publicize Mack Brown’s new book “Where’s
We think that last one is another rumor. There are
too many rumors going around. We don’t believe the Texas Department of
Corrections is actually building a prison across from the football
stadium… so the players can walk to practice. Or that the players are
wearing their orange jerseys to pick up roadside trash on Sundays. Or
that the back page of their playbook is totally devoted to learning
their Miranda rights. Or that they are being slowed down on passing
routes by the pesky ankle chains. No! All that stuff is rumors
probably started by A & M or Sooner fans. Don’t believe it.
Here are a few other rumors you should not believe:
The real killers, you know the ones OJ is always looking for are not
hiding on a golf course. Johnny Cochran is not going to defend OJ on
these latest charges no matter how much OJ thinks he will. Also UT is
not going to change their special cheer to “Book ‘em Horns.” You can
make book on that one.