the Comedy Gods are looking out for you.
Writer’s block? Not when Johnny Football has a Magic
Writer’s cramp? Sure, yeah, Manziel couldn’t have
played the first half anyway.
Be my friend on My Space at
I’ve had chewing gum last longer than Johnny’s
Radioactive things have a half-life. Heisman
trophy winners have a half-game.
The Aggie Marching Band will be on the field
for longer than Johnny’s suspension…
On campus, the lyrics to “Taps” now goes “Go
to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep… come back
the next half.”
The College Station Starbucks, in honor of
Johnny’s penalty, is offering a new coffee
additive… the Half.
At the on-campus GHWB Library, the archives
have been altered to where now George says, on
Iran-Contra, he was only half-looped.
Johnny Football’s suspension was shorter than
the Kris Humphries/Kim Kardashian marriage…
And no one’s ever seen Kris Humphries sign an
speaking, the Feds were so pissed about
Manziel only getting a half game suspension…
they bombed Syria.
The suspension playing time is exactly equal
to the length of a gamecock fighting round.
Who knew? Maybe that’s the reason, in addition
to Johnny’s 30 minute suspension, the NCAA is
also requiring the Manziel Fighting Grays to
enter cockpits with one spur tied behind their
When news of the 30 minute suspension came
down, Dez Bryant is going “Damn. I should have
let Deion take me to the strip club,
Bob Stoops is going “Brett Romar gets busted
for being paid for not working… when all he
needed to do was hang around the showroom
Reverend Cecil Newton is shouting “Hallelujah!
I guess this means it’s time for me to open my
closet and auction off all the Cam-signed
Auburn footballs so I can decorate the NEW
Aggie coach, Kevin Sumlin, is saying “They got
this right. Do I worry Johnny’s football
throwing arm might be tired from all the
scribbling? No! Johnny told me he did it all
left-handed. Talk about talent!”
Reggie Bush is going “Hmmm, it only
takes one autograph to get a house. What can
you get for 4400 autographs?”