Michael Vick has been
indicted on animal cruelty charges and to some people “indicted” means
tried, convicted, and sentenced just waiting on the execution.
To P.E.T.A., if the commissioner doesn’t ban Michael
Vick from the NFL immediately, they’ll boycott the N.F.L. This, we find
a little barn-doorish. First, Michael Vick will be banished, whether
P.E.T.A. threatens a boycott or not. Second, although P.E.T.A. will
wish to claim credit for Vick’s dismissal, they’re really far down on
the list of groups and people who want him gone. Third, does P.E.T.A.
even know what the NFL is about? Have they ever gone to a game?
If they had, they would have found a thing called “tailgating” going on
with all types of animal carcasses being roasted, bar-b-cued and
devoured outside the stadium. If they had gone inside they’d find
footballs being kicked, thrown and piled on, all made of pig. In some
games they’ll find people dressed up as animals punching each other.
Of course, none of this compares to the brutality
Vick’s cousins and cohorts, and maybe Vick himself, dealt to pit bull
dogs on Michael’s Virginia property.
What Vick’s cousin “Ookie” and others did to these
animals, some say, gives the sport of dog fighting a bad name. Sorry,
no. Dog fighting gives “dog fighting” a bad name.
I’ve heard others say (let’s call these others
“whiney dog-breeders” okay?) what was done by Vick’s friends has given
a bad name to pit bulls. These pit bull owners (look above) say the
Pitts are the most loveable gentle dogs if they’re not trained to be
vicious. Yes, loveable gentle dogs with jaws that can snap your
neck. Again, we’re sorry but pit bulls are called pit bulls
because they were bred to fight in pits. If the lovers of pit
bulls wish to improve their image, change their name. Seriously, spit
out all your machismo, and petition the AKC and other organizations to
re-name the breed. And, for good measure, make it as sissy a name as
you can find. Call it McKensies, after Spuds. Or call them Pansy
Pooches, or Winky-Dinkies or something Bubba won’t be so quick to
tattoo on his shoulder.
After all these allegations and indictments have surfaced, many have
been quick to jump on Michael Vick, almost in a vicious frenzy… like a…
dog pile. Nike will not release the Air Zoom Vick V shoe. The
Humane Society has called for Nike to pull all Vick clothing. Senator
Robert Byrd brought up Vick’s name on the Senate floor by shouting the
word “Barbaric” five times and then went on to reserve a place in hell
for Vick’s soul. I believe we’re not far off when we say “dog pile.”
Others are already recommending Vick’s sentence,
should he be found guilty. It’s everything from being banished from the
league (a given) to never being allowed to wear his Ron Mexico sombrero
again to being scratched all over his torso and then being placed
shirtless in a dog run with fighting pit bulls. Others say he and his
rapist brother Marcus should be ground down to their essential oils to
make a nice vapor rub. In saying this they point out at least then the
Vicks become some benefit to society.
We can’t predict Vick’s fate. We do know this could
deteriorate into a trial that makes us forget about O.J. Simpson. The
Humane Society, for one, my view the whole thing as an opportunity to
come down hard and nationally on dog fighting everywhere. If the
conviction of Vick, who has been called “one of the heavyweights” in
dog fighting, leads to the destruction of the “sport” then he will have
served some purpose. Besides, you can get vapor rub anywhere.