Manny Ramirez was
suspended from baseball for using hCG (human chorlonic gonadotropin), a
women’s fertility drug which helps steroid users restart testosterone
production when they come off a steroid cycle.
Many suspect, because of the hCG, Manny was using steroids. However,
we’ve heard a different, possibly ridiculous theory: the drug is
also used in the hormonal treatment for pre-trans-sexuals.
Could it be? Could the most macho man in baseball decide he longer
wished to be a he? Could the most macho man in baseball decide he’s
tired of being a “Manny?”
Possible theory: you carry that name all your life – Manny, Manny,
Manny – and one day you wake up and wonder what would it be like to be
Margarita or Manuella? What would it be like not to have a penis?
“Does my butt look big in this uniform?”
Crazy theory, right? No possible way Manny might be exhibiting the
traits of a pre-transy. Manny never gets moody, right? No, never!
You’ll never find Manny decide he doesn’t want to run out a base hit.
“Well, today, I just didn’t feel like running.” Manny would never do
It’s a crazy theory. Does Manny like to wear his hair long like
Jennifer Lopez? Of course not!
Does Manny ever say he doesn’t want to play because “Manny wants
to clear his head?” Clear his head? Looking for an epiphany like Julia
Roberts in “Eat. Pray. Love”? No, not the most macho man in
baseball! Manny would never do that.
What if a teammate hurt his leg, and it was Manny’s day off and the
manager came to Manny and asked if he would play, Manny would never say
“No, I don’t feel like it.” See, Manny’s not a pre-transy.
Manny would never wear earrings like a girl, and then insist the entire
team scour the third base area looking for a missing diamond
stud. That’s not Manny.
Let’s go back to the clubhouse. We’re pretty sure Manny’s no transy in
a training bra.
Manny, we’re checking out a theory. We have a few questions…
“The movie ‘Eat.Pray.Love.’” says Manny being Manny. “Julia Roberts,
she downs a load of carbs, doesn’t gain a pound. Her figure… carumba.
How does she do it?”
Manny, ummm, we’re trying to figure…
“Have you tried J-Lo’s new Glow perfume?” asks Manny, being Manny. “I
like it much better than Deseo. Too much jasmine in Deseo.”
Manny, there are times, ummm, when they…
“Look in this mirror!” says Manny, “Ozzie wants me to trim my dreads.
I’m thinking down to here… or here. What do you think? Here… or here?”
Manny, you keep changing locations, new homes, selling your condos,
what’s that about?
“A guy needs a change of scenery. I love to decorate. Is that a crime?
Now I’m working with purples and greens. Do you like paisley?”