LeBron James says he is jealous of the amount
of shots Kevin Durant gets.
Did you hear that? A guy with the nickname
“King” with muscles that have their own
nicknames is jealous of a gangly, skinny
competitor because the skinny kid gets three
more shots per game.
I don’t know who I should ask this question
to, LeBron James, or one of his deltoids, but
what does he have to be jealous about? Is he
afraid the Durantula will run off with his MVP
trophy? LeBron James can still jump over
an entire team when he wants to or flex a
bicep to give a group of drowning bikini-clad
beauties something to hang onto while he walks
them to the Atlantic shore. For a King guy,
this seems a little petty.
Kevin Durant, when asked to respond, flashed a
“K.D. is not nice” not-smile while finishing
off his opponent with three long range bombs
leaving the opposing team flattened on the
floor, convulsing like nerve-gas victims. I
expect these three end game daggers are the
very shots causing LeBron James to grouse.
Yeah, we can see that. These back-to-back,
sometimes back-to-back-to-back different zip
code shots which bury an opponent can, to
some, be deemed a very valuable way to seal a
victory. VALUABLE as in the concept of being
important shots at the MOST opportune time.
Yeah, that makes sense. As LeBron sees it,
players should be allocated only so many shots
so if the Slim Reaper has gone over his
allocated amount he can’t use them to wipe out
an opponent at the end game.
You know who is vigorously rubbing his hands
together over all this? David Stern. The NBA
has been wanting, strike that, crying for a
rivalry like this since Magic and Bird
retired. Sure we had Michael Jordan carrying
the ball but he had no one particular rival
player that captured the audience like Erving
and Larry. James and Durant are easily the two
top players and, just like Magic and Bird,
even though they’re friends they are
competitive, the two most competitive players
We think one reason LeBron is jealous is that
Kevin Durant has so many more nicknames.
“King” is nice, it’s biblical and “Bron” is a
little cutesy but they don’t compare to the
avalanche of nicks heaped on Durant. How
do you beat Durantula, which, by the way,
Durant does not like. It conjures up a gangly,
monstrous splay limbed spider. How do you beat
“The Kevinator”, which, by the way, again,
does not like. It conjures up a long-limbed
killing machine. How do you beat the “Slim
Reaper” which, by the way, Kevin really does
not like. It conjures up someone who will kill
your team but does it while skinny. How do you
beat the “DurDaggerator”, which, by the way,
we just made up but he still won’t like it.
Kevin prefers KD because he didn’t think you’d
want to eat in a restaurant called
How big was the Magic/Bird rivalry? Six words:
Broadway show of the same title. Odd fact:
Peter Scolari of Bosom Buddies had
three parts – Red Auerbach, Jerry Buss and Pat
Riley. That’s a mixture. We figure if there
were ever to be a King James/K.D.
Broadway Show, Scolari would again play Riley
as well as Coach Brooks and Coach Spolstra.
What else could we call it? Oklahoma?
Already taken. Tall Story? Already
taken. The Lying King? That only works
in Cleveland. Whatever the title, the rivalry
is a good thing. The Broadway show will be,
also, except LeBron will be green with
jealousy if Kevin gets first billing.
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