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MAGIC vs
                                                          BIRD 2 by
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By Stan Silliman
       
MAGIC vs BIRD 2

 
 
LeBron James says he is jealous of the amount of shots Kevin Durant gets.
 
Did you hear that? A guy with the nickname “King” with muscles that have their own nicknames is jealous of a gangly, skinny competitor because the skinny kid gets three more shots per game.
 
I don’t know who I should ask this question to, LeBron James, or one of his deltoids, but what does he have to be jealous about? Is he afraid the Durantula will run off with his MVP trophy?  LeBron James can still jump over an entire team when he wants to or flex a bicep to give a group of drowning bikini-clad beauties something to hang onto while he walks them to the Atlantic shore. For a King guy, this seems a little petty.
 
Kevin Durant, when asked to respond, flashed a “K.D. is not nice” not-smile while finishing off his opponent with three long range bombs leaving the opposing team flattened on the floor, convulsing like nerve-gas victims. I expect these three end game daggers are the very shots causing LeBron James to grouse.  
 
Yeah, we can see that. These back-to-back, sometimes back-to-back-to-back different zip code shots which bury an opponent can, to some, be deemed a very valuable way to seal a victory. VALUABLE as in the concept of being important shots at the MOST opportune time. Yeah, that makes sense. As LeBron sees it, players should be allocated only so many shots so if the Slim Reaper has gone over his allocated amount he can’t use them to wipe out an opponent at the end game.  
MAGIC vs BIRD 2 by StanSilliman
                            humor sports comedy cartoonsarticles 
You know who is vigorously rubbing his hands together over all this? David Stern. The NBA has been wanting, strike that, crying for a rivalry like this since Magic and Bird retired. Sure we had Michael Jordan carrying the ball but he had no one particular rival player that captured the audience like Erving and Larry. James and Durant are easily the two top players and, just like Magic and Bird, even though they’re friends they are competitive, the two most competitive players today.
We think one reason LeBron is jealous is that Kevin Durant has so many more nicknames. “King” is nice, it’s biblical and “Bron” is a little cutesy but they don’t compare to the avalanche of nicks heaped on Durant.  How do you beat Durantula, which, by the way, Durant does not like. It conjures up a gangly, monstrous splay limbed spider. How do you beat “The Kevinator”, which, by the way, again, does not like. It conjures up a long-limbed killing machine. How do you beat the “Slim Reaper” which, by the way, Kevin really does not like. It conjures up someone who will kill your team but does it while skinny. How do you beat the “DurDaggerator”, which, by the way, we just made up but he still won’t like it. Kevin prefers KD because he didn’t think you’d want to eat in a restaurant called “Durantula’s.”   
 
How big was the Magic/Bird rivalry? Six words: Broadway show of the same title. Odd fact: Peter Scolari of Bosom Buddies had three parts – Red Auerbach, Jerry Buss and Pat Riley. That’s a mixture. We figure if there were ever to be a King James/K.D. Broadway Show, Scolari would again play Riley as well as Coach Brooks and Coach Spolstra.  What else could we call it?  Oklahoma? Already taken. Tall Story? Already taken. The Lying King? That only works in Cleveland. Whatever the title, the rivalry is a good thing. The Broadway show will be, also, except LeBron will be green with jealousy if Kevin gets first billing.

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