Lex Luther is a fantastic
quarterback, maybe the best ever seen in this part of Kansas.
It’s not that he has such a great arm or fast legs, it’s his quick
thinking plus the ability to always find the Kent kid when they need a
first down or a touchdown.
Smallville was never a football power, just a sleepy
little farm community with the highest crime rate per capita in the
U.S. But the town folk knew when the class with Clark and Lex and
Pete Ross grew up they were destined to be world beaters. They
marveled at Lex’s play calling, how he was so tricky and downright
evil. As far as the Kent kid, the word “amazing” was invented for
him. He always seems to outleap his defenders… at times like they were
tall buildings. And the speed in which he gets to the ball leaves
One small thing Smallville fans note: opposing
teams never convert a field goal. Either Kent jumps up and blocks it or
the breeze carries it off course… even when the air is dead still.
Smallville fans laugh when opponents send in their kicking team.
Lana Lang and the other cheerleaders even devised a cheer, “You’re
trying a field goal on Smallville? Ha!”
Clear across the country on the left coast another
small school – Forks – in the woods of Washington is building a
football reputation of its own. Forks High School couldn’t be
beat. Not by the giant schools in Seattle, not by the urban
schools, not by any of the former West Coast power teams.
The Fangs were special. It was as if their principle
players could smell fear on their opponents and exploited these
opportunities. Forks has a rep for being a blood thirsty bunch.
They have running backs appearing to shift shape and squeeze through
tiny holes for big yardage. Edward Cullen, their quarterback, has
been an 18-year-old senior for four years yet possesses the wisdom of a
100-year-old man. When people ask him if he played Pop Warner
ball, he replies “Yes, Pop was a great coach.”
Jacob Black leads their speedy defensive unit who
always seem to be one step ahead of the offense. It’s as if Jacob
can hear their plays. The other players on the defense all
possess animal-like quickness and special teeth guards. The Forks
Fangs are fast becoming one of the fiercest of the fictional football
teams. Games against the Fangs are only competitive when played
in the afternoon.
The meeting between the Fangs and Smallville Krypts
was inevitable and long awaited. Smallville drubbed Dodge City,
stomped out the gardens in Garden City, trampled Topeka, sacked Salina
and whacked Wichita. Simultaneously, Forks laid waste any west
coast team messing with them. The Fangs and the Krypts had to go at
The Krypts are coached by lovable Jonathan Kent. The
Fangs are coached by police chief, Charlie Swan, Bella’s dad.
They negotiate a Friday night face off at Mile High Stadium in Denver,
to be televised by ESPN. The smack talk will be led by Lana Lang
and the Kryptettes vs. Bella Swan with her Fang Spirit squad.
Coach Kent studies game films, then decides it might be prudent to line
the sidelines with freshly dead elk. Coach Swan enlists the
help of Alice Cullen to see if she can read Lex Luther’s mind.
Not a great idea because the evilness in Lex’s mind forces Alice to go
immediately gnawing on the nearest elk. Next episode: The