I don’t know about you, but all this Big 12 news of
the last few weeks has worn on me. In the words of a sadomasochist
after a grueling session: “I’m beat.”
I’ve been beaten like a Singapore caning victim. Like an old dusty
Persian rug draped over a balcony railing. I’ll be here all week. Try
the Buffalo wings.
Seriously, it’s like a group of pouty kids, each
thinking the ball is his and threatening to walk:
don’t think we’ve been treated right. We’re taking our Tiger colors and
going to the Big 10. The Big 10 may be old and cold but they divvy up
more marbles. But, we’re not going for the money, we’re going for
higher academics because we’re all about being smart.
It’s not our fault. The Big 10 wanted us ‘cause we’re pretty and
Mizzou, you’re full of it. Fat chance the Big 10 will take you anyway.
You cry academics but you’ve got the Kenneth Lay (Enron) Chair of
Economics and that Wal-Mart brat who wanted her name on your basketball
gym, but cheated on her finals exam. Oh my, I’m sure the Big 10 is
thrilled about that.
What about us?? We won a basketball championship, for crying out loud.
What about us?
You kidding us, Kansas? Talk to Nebraska. Beg them to stay on your
team. They’re the greedy bastards. Tell them to go find a sugar daddy
like we did. Yeah, he’s old, but he’s RICH!!
You’re crapping on us for a few more bucks? You sluts! You know what we
got? Senators who can get things done! You bail on us and you’re going
to see the whole college sports game TAXED. All that television money,
well, gee? Good luck enjoying it when they take away your tax
Texas A & M:
I’m sticking with Bevo. I’m sticking with Bevo. Our fight song is all
about Bevo. Wherever he goes, I go, and all my cadets will play soldier
wherever Bevo goes.
What about us? We graduate a lot of doctors and lawyers. You might find
yourself in trouble or needing to see a doctor. We’re going to remember
who treated us naughty. We might make you drink our water. You’re going
to wish you brought us along.
We’re going west... where they understand potheads… y’know what I mean?
I never liked cornboy anyway. He was all uptight, man… ya dig? I’ll be
on the slopes when he’s freezing in flatlands Michigan. Nah, nah, nah,
You see what I’m talking about? Where’s Rodney King
when you need him?
Can’t these guys see eye to eye? They used to have sleepovers, go out
camping, met in Oklahoma City or Kansas City for a tournament.
Now when one school calls, the other pretends to have lost his cell.
I’ll be glad when the divorce is over. I hope the
in-laws stay in touch.