else can you describe it? Absolutely no major football team wants to
win the BCS. If you get as high as second place you become just like
second in command at Al-Qeada, you’re dead within a week. Not much
better if you’re first as USC, Ohio State, LSU and Kansas will attest.
According to Sports Illustrated, the most valuable
and profitable college football program is Notre Dame. See, Virginia,
winning is NOT everything… and, oh yeah, there’s no Santa Claus.
Alabama, coached by a $ 4 million coach, lost to Louisiana-Monroe,
coached by a
$ 130,000 coach. If you are keeping score those are 30 to 1 odds.
The $ 4 million dollar coach, Nick Saban, goes on
television and apologizes to the state and Alabama fans for losing, at
home, to a team that not only lost to North Texas, but happens to be
coached by a coach whose yearly salary is less than what Coach Nick
makes in half a game.
The $ 4 million coach, Nick Saban, compares the loss
to Louisiana-Monroe, coached by Charlie Weatherbie the $ 130,000 coach,
to 9/11 and Pearl Harbor.
Twice in two years Dennis Franchione guides Texas
A&M to a defeat over their number one rival – Texas. His reward for
such efforts? The door.
Boise State plays their heated rival, the Idaho
University Vandals. The Boise fans taunt Idaho fans by wearing ‘Senator
Craig is a Vandal’ tee-shirts. Boise State wins the game but several
bladders burst as neither team’s fans go near the bathrooms.
Baylor, certain that former player and San Francisco
49er coach, Mike Singletary, will jump aboard, fires coach Guy Morriss.
Mike comes to interview. Waco rejoices until Singletary comes to his
senses after realizing the team he is being asked to coach is… Baylor.
The top candidate for the Heisman – Dennis Dixon of
Oregon – plays against Arizona two weeks after tearing the ligament in
his knee. He tears it even worse against Arizona. And since Dixon’s
season ended at Arizona, Nick Saban called Dixon’s injury a catastrophe
comparable to Pearl Harbor.
A few days later Oklahoma, lifted to the number two
spot by Oregon’s defeat at Arizona, had a quarterback suffer a
game-ending concussion and lose to the Red Raiders. Seeing a similarity
between the words Red Raiders and Red Sun Raiders and also the fact
that both Arizona and Oklahoma had their ships sunk in similar
circumstances caused Nick Saban once again to call this a catastrophe
comparable to Pearl Harbor.
Tennessee, another school with a ship of the same
name sunk at Pearl Harbor, survives a multi-overtime scare with a
victory over Kentucky and wins the SEC East. Since Nick Saban’s team
plays in the SEC, he is once again asked to comment. Nick’s comment
concludes that it’s fitting that after all these big teams fell the
only undefeated team remaining is… Hawaii.